Dear Wise Hearts,
I’ve been very sick for the last few days, suffering from a severe case of bronchitis. I can’t remember when I’ve been so sick that I had to stay in bed for three straight days. I slept a lot, and occasionally roused myself to wander around the house a bit, drink a little juice, then returned to my sweaty sheets. When I was awake, I couldn’t really concentrate enough to read, so I’d stare at home improvement shows on HGTV. I actually experienced the sensation of boredom! I have literally been a slug, and as most of you know, that calls up all kinds of anxiety for a type-A personality.
But this morning, I’m feeling better and I’m reminded of how beneficial three days of doing nothing can be. It’s a sort of psychic cleansing. This morning, my head feels clear. My heart feels light. And though I’m weak physically, I seem to have renewed appreciation for the health and stamina that I take for granted.
In my morning reading, I was reading an article on Zen teacher Joan Halifax, founder of the Upaya Zen Center, just outside of Santa Fe. She quotes Annie Dillard: “There is always an enormous temptation in all of life to diddle around making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for itsy-bitsy years on end. . . and then to sulk along the rest of your days on the edge of rage.” This line from Dillard really struck me, because I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to settle for itsy-bitsy any more. I don’t want to waste the days or the minutes by numbing out or settling for less or dumbing down. Halifax says “The world is wilder than that in all directions, more dangerous and bitter, more extravagant and bright.”
And so, as I come out of the blur of three days of illness, I know I’m getting better because I’m inspired by this last line, the wonderful paradoxes there, and the call to live each moment full out.
